Image: Arja Lento/Yle
Church family counsellors find that more people these days suffer from fear of commitment. This is raising concerns, since, in addition to taking a toll on romantic relationships, commitment issues are also beginning to have a visible impact on people’s parenting and working life.
Some new marriages last but a short time, friendships are struck up only for the gain they bring and parents fail to commit to child-rearing. These are the newest concerns in Finnish society, according to church family counsellors.
The counsellors say they meet many couples in their 30s. Demand for counselling services has grown significantly in the last few years—nearly 17,000 people seek help from church family counsellors each year.
Counsellors say that commitment issues stem partially from egoism.
“Unfortunately, one sees both in romantic relationships and in parenting that people value their own needs above common ones,” says Päivi Kähkönen, head of the Family Issues unit at the Church Council.
Meanwhile, she says, growing up in a safe family environment is key to being able to commit. Early childhood experiences have a large bearing on how people relate to others as adults.
Viewing people in business terms
The business world assesses its results one quarter at a time. Kähkönen says that similar attitudes have taken root in personal relationships.
“Going into a relationship, people think—I’ll be in it as long as it’s profitable. If I have to give more than I get, what’s the reason to go on with it? Cost-benefit analysis has, sadly, crept into the sphere of relationships,” she says.
According to Kähkönen, it’s clear that hard materialistic values currently rule the day.YLE
